


May your kindness remain

by RoseMeister



Series: Change [1]
Category: Warcraft - All Media Types, World of Warcraft
Genre: F/F, Friends to Lovers, Sharing a Bed, and half "egregious excuse to make them share a bed", i just think its high time for jaina to kiss a pretty elven woman is that so much to ask, this is like half "vereesa and jaina supporting each other thru past trauma"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-23 06:01:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16153082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseMeister/pseuds/RoseMeister
Summary: “Wait.” Jaina says. “I wanted to ask you something.” When Vereesa doesn’t reply, only waits patiently, she sighs softly and continues. “I’m sure you’ve been asked too many times in the last few weeks, but would you like to dance?”Jaina and Vereesa reconnect, and start building something stronger than before.





	May your kindness remain

They wait until the war has ended to throw any elaborate celebrations, and then hold too many in too little time. The one Vereesa is in now is the third in twice as many days, and she has given up on pretences and chosen to wear the same dress as she had to the last two, betting that no one else would care to pick up on it.

This party is a bit more bearable than most, held in Boralus to celebrate Jaina's new position. Well, the position she has now held for almost a year. They’re pretending, at least, that its new, most guests taking ample opportunity to lavish praise on the Lord Admiral, and even from across the room Vereesa can sense Jaina's growing discomfort at their exaggerated words, can pick out the forced smile.

Vereesa is primarily here for the wine. Well. She came because she had been invited with a letter in Jaina's own hand, but now at two hours deep into the festivities with Jaina barely even looking her way, Vereesa has found herself a new motivation. Oh well. It’s not like she’s the most exciting presence at these sorts of events anymore.

She's found herself a quiet corner, far enough out of the way that she can have some safety from the threat of overeager young lords inviting her to dance, but close enough that she can still watch the goings on. It's late enough that the alcohol has convinced those once shy to try their hands at a dance, but not so late for the dancing to turn into stumbling. Vereesa is looking forward to that part.

She realises that despite being the central figure for this gathering, Jaina hasn’t graced the floor yet, not even with her brother. Surely there had to be dozens of young lords and ladies eager for the privilege. She dwells on the thought for a moment, sipping her wine, only to look up just in time to catch Jaina watching her.

Jaina snaps her eyes away before even a second has passed, the movement so violent that her brother notices, leans in to whisper something that makes Jaina blush, and push him aside. Vereesa has a fleeting curiosity, but the temptation is too weak to draw her from her quiet corner, so she remains, flagging down a server to grab a fresh glass.

She’s watching a couple of young men dance, a finely tailored blood elf spinning a man in Gilnean dress uniform, seemingly oblivious to the animosity that once consumed their races. She’s absorbed enough that she doesn't notice the quiet footsteps until she sees movement out of the corner of her eye, finds Jaina approaching her, dressed in a well-fitting naval uniform.

"Enjoying yourself?" Jaina asks, taking up position next to her.

“As well as I can. I’m a little burnt out on these celebrations.” Vereesa admits, watching her. Jaina fiddles with her embroidered gloves, her cuffs, even the elaborate and likely useless sword by her side, her hands hungry for any distraction.

“Tell me about it. I didn’t even want this celebration, but Anduin insisted.”

Vereesa lifts her glass towards Jaina briefly, gives her a small smile. “My congratulations by the way, Lord Admiral. Though I’m fairly certain I sent you a letter about it a year ago.” She takes a deep drink, beginning to enjoy the fog the wine has begun to cast over her senses.

“You did. I still have your letter in my office.”

That makes Vereesa pause. It had been so long since she spoke to Jaina in person, their paths and duties diverging too much for them to spend time together, and she was under the impression that their friendship had faded with the distance. Jaina had barely written to her after sending a simple note of thanks for her letter. But, who knows. Perhaps Jaina’s office is full of nothing but old letters from once-close friends.

They stand in silence for a few minutes, and Vereesa finishes her drink, contemplates searching for another. For now, though, she waits, watches Jaina fiddle with her gloves, tugging them half off only to pull them back on. It proves to be a poor distraction, so Vereesa turns, intending to walk off in search of a server, hopefully one that can bring some extra port for Jaina, only to feel a hand on her elbow, stopping her.

“Wait.” Jaina says. “I wanted to ask you something.” When Vereesa doesn’t reply, only waits patiently, she sighs softly and continues. “I’m sure you’ve been asked too many times in the last few weeks, but would you like to dance?”

Something clicks in Vereesa’s head, but she’s had too much wine to be tempted to dwell on it, just offers her hand to Jaina instead. A small smile begins to twist at the side of Jaina’s mouth as she takes it, leading her out from her corner for the first time in hours. They enter in the middle of a song, but neither of them particularly care, just take up position in what approximates the right stance. Vereesa wouldn’t really know; it’s been years since she danced at any gathering like this, and she wasn’t particularly skilled at it then.

The tension that Vereesa had noticed weighing down Jaina’s shoulders has mostly disappeared, freed at last from the endless string of nobles with empty congratulations for something that occurred a year ago. She’d look young, almost, if it weren’t for the heavy bags under her eyes.

For now, at least, she appears to be happy, so Vereessa abandons the thought, lets Jaina lead her in what is almost a proper dance, a pattern of steps that doesn’t quite match the rhythm of the song.

Then Jaina steps on her foot, making Vereesa stumble enough that she almost takes the two of them down to the floor. There’s concern in Jaina’s eyes, a half-formed apology on her lips, but it fades as Vereesa grabs onto Jaina’s shoulders to steady herself, and laughs.

“Seems you might be as poor a dancer as I am, Lord Admiral.” Vereesa murmurs in Jaina’s ear. “Though I didn’t think that was possible.”

There’s a pink flush creeping up Jaina’s pale neck, and she leans into Vereesa’s shoulder and groans softly. “My apologies Vereesa I- I don’t even have the excuse of being drunk to explain it away.”

“A Kul Tiran sober? I didn’t think that was possible.”

Jaina hits her shoulder lightly when Vereesa starts laughing, pulls away far enough to glare at her halfheartedly. “You sound like my brother. And that really isn’t a complement.”

Vereesa searches for Tandred, finds him leaning against a wall, drinking and watching them with a smirk on his face. He catches her looking and waves, the smirk growing into a full grin. She waves back, and he watches for a second more before he is distracted by the presence of one of the several handsome young lords scattered about the room, and she returns her focus back to the woman she is still holding.

She slips her hands down to Jaina’s waist and starts to sway them softly, the movement small enough that she’s confident it won’t result in the two of them tumbling to the floor in an embarrassed heap, even with their combined skill level. Jaina is warm, even through her uniform, and that along with the wine have Vereesa feeling comfortably heated. Other than Tandred, no one seems to have noticed Jaina’s presence on the floor, and Vereesa is glad to have evaded the judgmental eyes of nobility, for now at least.

“Not a fan of wine?” she asks as Jaina starts to move gently with her.

“I didn’t want to drink too much and make a fool of myself,” Jaina admits, “although it seems I don’t need the alcohol to help me in that.”

“I think it’s charming. Really.”

There’s a smile creeping onto Jaina’s expression, small but genuine. “I'm glad you at least think that.”

The song ends at last, and they stop moving, caught between staying and risking more embarrassment with another attempt at a dance, and moving aside to let others take their place. Deciding, Vereesa steps away from Jaina, but grabs her hand instead. “Let’s get some fresh air.” She says quietly, pulling Jaina with her to one of the side doors to the ballroom.

The cold hits them as soon as the door opens, and while she is glad for the privacy and quiet, Vereesa finds herself shivering all the same. Her dress in made from finely made elven silks, and while beautiful it does little to shield her from cold. She feels a brush of fabric about her shoulders, and she starts before realising it’s Jaina covering her with her jacket. The jacket is thin too, but she appreciates the gesture, and grasps it tighter to herself.

Vereesa finds some steps to sit on, and pats the space next to her until Jaina follows. For a while, they just sit in silence, Jaina fiddling with her gloves again while Vereesa cranes her head up to stare at the stars. Perhaps she’s feeling sentimental. Perhaps she has just had a bit too much wine. But the cold is refreshing, and the quiet is comforting, so Vereesa is content just to sit for now.

Eventually Jaina speaks. “You know, sometimes I consider just leaving. Finding somewhere where no one knows my name. Trying to live a simple life.”

Vereesa laughs softly, drops her head onto Jaina’s shoulder, closes her eyes briefly. “Knowing you, that plan wouldn’t last long. You’d get bored.”

“Would I?” There’s a light amusement in Jaina’s voice, and the sound of it makes Vereesa smile briefly.

“Mmhmm. A couple weeks with nothing to do but perform magic tricks for the locals and seducing the townsfolk, and you’d be itching at the seams for something more substantial. Even if its just filling in the paperwork to keep Kul Tiras running.”

Jaina laughs now, sudden but loud, and Vereesa opens her eyes and twists her head to look at her. She was wrong before, in the ballroom. Now Jaina looks young, the façade of the indomitable leader stripped away until the woman can be seen beneath.

“Maybe you’re right. But it’s a nice distraction I think. Imagining a quiet life with few responsibilities.” Jaina pauses for a moment, continues in a soft voice. “Maybe even marrying a nice woman. But that part seems the most improbable.”

The hesitation makes Vereesa lift her head up, study Jaina’s face. Jaina isn’t making eye contact, just staring out into the dark streets, eyes not quite focusing on anything. Perhaps it’s a new thought, something brewed up in the time since they last talked like this, but still Vereesa doesn’t like it. Jaina’s had her share of romantic disasters, and some hesitation is warranted. But her tone still hurts.

Vereesa touches Jaina’s cheek softly, tilts her face until she’s looking at her, and shakes her head. “Jaina please. You could charm any woman you wanted. Just give it time.”

Jaina looks at her strangely for a moment, and seems to struggle with words. Vereesa just pats her cheek gently, and lets her hand fall, staring back at the night sky. She gives it a few moments, wondering if Jaina will finally decide to reply, but the silence stretches on, much less comfortable this time.

She sighs. “Do you think they’re still serving wine?” She asks, hoping to break the newfound tension.

“I’m not sure you need any more, Vereesa.” The humour has returned to Jaina’s voice, albeit slightly forced. Vereesa takes it nonetheless.

“Oh well. I don’t think I’m brave enough to return to the ball without its aid, so if the hostess is cutting me off I might have to end my night.” Vereesa winks at Jaina, hoping she’ll be feeling generous enough to open a portal for her.

Jaina just stands instead, brushing down non-existent dust from her trousers. “I could send you home right now if you’d like, but I’m worried you might disturb your sons if I opened a portal for you this late. But we do have guest rooms here if you’d like to stay with us. I could walk you to one?”

It’s not exactly what Vereesa had expected, but the thought of not having to sneak into her own house is tempting, so she accepts.

* * *

 It’s deep into the night when she wakes, her heartbeat deafening when she doesn’t immediately recognise where she is. It’s a small, plain room, but there’s enough blue decorations and paintings of ships to be obvious, so she rests her hand over her heart, feels it begin to settle. Begin, at least. That immediate burst of fear upon waking was enough to flood her with adrenaline, and lying still for even a second is unbearable.

Too many wars in too few years, and her body is too used to combat to calm easily. In the past decade it’s saved her life more times than she cares to think about. But now, in what should hopefully be a longer lasting peace, that survival-driven urge is more a hindrance than anything.

For better or worse, she’s awake now. She sits up on the bed, breathes slowly, tries to clear her mind, drag back some of the exhaustion. Her attempt proves to be futile, so she decides to leave her room entirely, search for the kitchen. If she finds it, she’ll make herself a drink. If not, she’ll have a quiet walk. Either option is preferable to the restless energy shaking through her when she’s still.

The keep is dead silent. The thick stone blocks out any noise from outside, and from what Vereesa has gathered few people actually live here, so it would likely still be quiet even if the rest of the house were awake. She brushes her hand along the stone wall as she walks, opening each door she passes by a fraction, just in case. Most are empty, some devoid even of furniture. After some time, she finds a door with light escaping the crack beneath it, and shifts it open, certain she’s found the kitchen at last.

Instead, she finds a bedroom. Small, but comfortable, lit by a soft light emanating from a hovering sphere. Curious, she opens the door further, wincing when the hinges squeak. Inside there’s a sound of movement, and a muttered curse that accompanies a loud thump. Vereesa swings the door open properly this time, finds Jaina sitting at a desk surrounded by scattered papers, looking flustered as an inkwell rolls along the floorboards, emptying its contents onto the polished wood.

“Oh.” Vereesa says. “Sorry Jaina. I shouldn’t be poking around.”

Jaina just waves her hand and ink rushes back into the inkwell as it floats back onto Jaina’s desk. She sighs. “It’s fine. Really. Most nights I make as much mess by myself.” She twirls a quill in her fingers mindlessly, studying Vereesa. “Are you alright? If there’s a problem I can wake everyone else up.”

“No, I was just looking for a glass of water. I woke up and-“ Vereesa hesitates, not quite willing to go into details. “I was just a bit thirsty.”

“The kitchen’s five doors down to the left.” Jaina says. “Do you want me to show you there?”

“I’ll find it, don’t worry.” Jaina turns back to her desk as Vereesa starts to back out of the room, picking up one of the scattered papers to scrawl a quick note on. Perhaps it’s just late, and Vereesa’s mind isn’t running at full capacity, but it’s only then that she puts the pieces together, and frowns.

“Jaina.” She starts. “Why aren’t you asleep?”

Jaina freezes for a second, then her shoulders slump forward as she turns to face her. “There’s always- always paperwork to do. Contracts to decipher. Plans to make. It never ends.”

“It’s the middle of the night. Surely all of that can wait.”

Jaina watches her for a moment, seemingly unwilling to answer, before rubbing her face with a hand. “Honestly? I can’t sleep. I try, believe me. Every night I try. But it just doesn’t come, no matter what I do. I figure that if I’m awake anyway I might as well be productive.”

Now Vereesa walks forward, until she’s right next to Jaina. The exhaustion in her face, while visible earlier in the evening, is more pronounced now. She reaches out to Jaina’s hands, lightly pulls the quill out from between her fingers. Jaina complains, but only weakly, and Vereesa sits down on the edge of Jaina’s bed, still holding Jaina’s hands. She rubs her thumbs in slow circles, watches as Jaina’s eyes flutter closed.

“You’re pushing yourself too hard.” She says softly, studying the tiny crease of a frown still present on Jaina’s face. “Even the Lord Admiral needs her rest.”

The frown cuts deeper. “I can’t, Vereesa. I lie in bed and just feel stuck. Every single night I try but nothing ever happens, so I work at my desk until I pass out.”

“Not sleeping is bad enough. The endless working is surely making it a hundred times worse.”

Jaina is quiet for a long while. Vereesa lets her think, but keeps a firm, anchoring grip on her hands. Finally, Jaina squeezes their hands together, opens her eyes.

“I just don’t know what to do.”

Vereesa squeezes her hands back. “Don’t do anymore work tonight. For my sake at least.”

“Alright.”

“Thank you.”

Jaina drops her hands, stands up. “You should probably go back to your room. You need your rest as well.”

Vereesa stands as well, but grabs Jaina’s shoulder before she leaves. “Promise me you’ll actually write to me after I return home? I’ve missed your letters.”

“I promise. But please do go back to bed Vereesa. If you stay much longer I think we may stay up all night talking.”

Vereesa laughs. “Goodnight Jaina.”

“Goodnight.”

* * *

 Jaina keeps her promise, and a week after the party Vereesa finds a letter waiting at her desk. It’s hardly exciting, Jaina mainly complaining about paperwork and her brother, but her hand writing is familiar, her words comforting, and Vereesa smiles as she reads it. Once she’s finished she pulls a chair up to her desk, and starts on the reply immediately. She doesn’t have anything exciting to write about, just some brief notes about the Silver Covenant and her sons, but she’s happy to write again.

The letter is almost finished when she pauses, and scribbles in a brief note insisting that Jaina visit her next time she’s in Dalaran on business. It’s only fair to repay the favour.

* * *

She comes home late, some of her rangers having started a pointless argument that took far too long to calm, and she enters her house praying to whatever deity is listening that her sons have not taken the unsupervised opportunity to break something delicate.

Vereesa can hear Giramar’s excited voice echoing down the hallway, and she fears the worst until she finds them. There’s no destruction, thankfully, just her sons gasping in delight as a pale blue spectral dragon curves gracefully through the air, and she stares at it in confusion for a moment before she notices Jaina standing nearby, her eyes glowing white.

The dragon perches itself on Galadin’s shoulder, and he reaches up to scratch it, the dragon making a very convincing purring noise. Giramar looks disappointed for a second, until a spectral hawk twists into existence and lands on him as well.

None of them have noticed Vereesa enter yet, and she stands in the doorway and waits for a moment. The show of magic is impressive, the sheer detail put into both spectral creatures enough to steal breath, and yet Vereesa finds herself watching Jaina instead. The slight smile playing on her lips, the glow of her eyes. Jaina looks- well. Vereesa has missed her in these past few weeks. Letters aren't enough. The moment passes, and she coughs pointedly, sees Jaina’s eyes flick to her, returning to their normal blue as both the dragon and the hawk disappear.

“You could have said you were coming,” Vereesa says, “I would’ve tried harder to not be late.”

Jaina walks over to her, hesitates for a moment before hugging her briefly. “I had wanted to surprise you. And really, your sons have been very good hosts since I arrived.”

The twins smile brightly at the praise, and with nothing broken and Jaina seemingly content, Vereesa is a bit proud. The boys pester Jaina with questions, beg her to do more magic, and the smile on Jaina’s face is genuine as she complies, tries to explain what she’s doing in as simple terms as she can. Most of it goes over Vereesa’s head, but she enjoys watching Jaina show off.

After that it is easy to convince Jaina to linger, first for afternoon tea and then for dinner, and by the time the boys have returned to their rooms it’s late enough that offering for Jaina to stay the night seems only natural. And Jaina accepts the invitation so quickly that Vereesa is half-convinced she expected the offer to come hours earlier.

* * *

The night brings dreams full of smoke, and Vereesa drags herself to consciousness, her heart beating frantically in the darkness. She waits a while, gripping her shirt almost tight enough to tear, and even as her pulse begins to calm the fear remains. Theramore. Silvermoon. Too many places, too many people that’s she’s loved, all lost to great tragedies. And her, eternally on the sidelines, powerless to prevent the destruction.

It’s unseasonably cold in Dalaran this year, and yet she still feels like she’s overheating, stifled under these heavy sheets. They had seemed like a good idea hours ago, but now they’re too much, and so Vereesa throws them off, escapes her bed entirely. Mid-night walks are becoming an awful habit of hers, making her feel like a ghost haunting her own house. One day she will inevitably wake up one of her sons, and the thought of that confrontation is almost enough to send her back to her confining bed. Almost.

She leaves instead, convincing herself her motivation is altruistic, less a primal desire to escape and more a genuine desire to check on Jaina, make sure the woman isn’t wearing her fingers to the bone writing drafts of trade agreements or the like.

Luckily, the house is quiet, and the boys are nowhere to be seen, hopefully wrapped up in their own beds. They’d dodged most of the trauma from their father’s death, too young when it happened to comprehend anything beyond the fact that he was gone. She feels awful, for a second, that she’s jealous of them, and does her best to put the thought aside.

She’s unsurprised when she sees light creeping out from under the door to the guest room. From what Vereesa has managed to squeeze out of Jaina in her letters, the insomnia that has vexed her for so long remains a constant, and yet it still twists at her insides to see further proof of it.

She knocks at the door. There’s a small pause, then Jaina’s voice calls out for her to enter, so she does. There’s a beratement forming on her lips for Jaina working so deep into the night again, but it dies when she sees Jaina lying on her bed, a book in her hands, her hair loose and flowing around her shoulders. The white gleams off the floating orb of light, and it takes Vereesa a moment to regain herself.

“I promise I’m not working this time.” Jaina says, lifting the book so Vereesa can see the cover, a picture of a woman in impractical armour posing on a horse. It’s enough to make her smile.

“I’m glad.” She says, looking over Jaina for a moment, noting the exhaustion that’s so much clearer now than in the daylight, and she pauses by the door frame for just another moment before she walks over, sits next to Jaina on her bed.

“Is it still just as bad?” She asks softly.

Jaina sighs. It’s answer enough.

“Have you seen anyone about it?”

“I did. Months ago. But nothing non-magical helped, and the magic solutions-“ her voice trails off for a moment, and her eyes grow unfocused before she shakes her head. “The magical solutions helped a little. But most nights the dreams they brought with them were worse.” Vereesa flinches slightly, but Jaina doesn’t seem to notice. “And eventually even they stopped working. I have largely given up.”

Vereesa makes a sympathetic noise in her throat, and they sit in silence for a while. It’s comfortable, enough so that Vereesa doesn’t want to move, doesn’t want to retreat back to her own room. Her room is- cold. And dark. And there she’d be so alone.

Eventually Jaina speaks, marking her place in her book then setting it aside, turning to face her. “Vereesa.” She begins. “Why are you awake?”

Vereesa leans her head back on the solid oak of the bed’s headrest, and wishes she had decided to leave seconds ago. Because there’s concern digging into Jaina’s face, and every second of silence only deepens it.

In the end she gives in. “I have nightmares.” She admits. “Awful ones. About- everything. Everything awful that’s happened in the last fifteen years.” She doesn’t want to continue, but Jaina grabs her hand, squeezes it, so she keeps going. “I have seen awful things I wish I could forget. And yet- the worst nightmares focus on the events I wasn’t even there for. My sister’s death. Theramore. Rhonin.” Jaina flinches visibly at that and Vereesa turns to her, grabbing her other hand. “I’m sorry,” she says, “I shouldn’t have brought that up I didn’t- I should have thought. It’s hardly fair to complain when you- I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise. The past hurt us both and we shouldn’t be trying to compete over who is the most traumatised.”

“You’re right.” Vereesa says, and manages a smile as Jaina squeezes her hands one last time before dropping them. Jaina picks up her book again, opens back to her place, and begins to read again. Vereesa drops her head to Jaina’s shoulder, feels her warmth radiating out. She should probably leave. Their conversation is over, and staying here while Jaina is reading makes her feel disruptive. But she doesn’t want to. Leaving means being alone, means darkness and is almost guaranteed to mean another nightmare. Instead she just lingers. Listens to the rustle of pages and Jaina’s quiet breathing. Jaina doesn’t comment, even after minutes stretch by, giving silent approval for her presence. Even so, Vereesa should go. Should return to her bed, ransom herself up to whatever terrible dream will come next.

She caves instead.

“Jaina?” She asks softly.

“Yes?”

“Can I stay here tonight?”

Jaina freezes, and Vereesa panics. “I can leave if you want me to. I don’t want to force you I just-“ she’s floundering but Jaina hasn’t spoken yet so she doesn’t stop. “ I really don’t want to be alone tonight.”

She is seconds away from retracting her request when Jaina speaks. “If you think it’s what you need, then of course. I will likely be awake for some hours still, if you don’t mind that.”

“I don’t.”

Jaina shuffles aside to give her extra room, lifting up the sheets so Vereesa can crawl in. The bed is much warmer than hers was just by herself, and Vereesa is surprised by how much she craves it. Its been too long since she shared a bed with anyone, not since- well. Not for a long while.

“Do you mind if I keep reading?” Jaina asks, and Vereesa shakes her head, settling herself into the bed. Jaina switches her attention back to her novel, and Vereesa watches her for a while, catches her lips quirking into a smile occasionally at something she’s read.

Somehow the company is enough to settle her fears, and she slips into unconsciousness, soothed by the regular rustle of pages.

* * *

She wakes in the dead of night, dreams of ash and screams melting into near silence, notices the warmth against her, the woman who let her crawl half-broken into her bed. She must have twisted in the night, her body unconsciously seeking her, breaking unspoken rules until Vereesa lies flush against her. To move would be treason; breaking the will of her own body and come close to waking Jaina. But really, it’s easy to paint excuse after excuse, if it lets her stay here.

It’s been too long since she touched someone like this. Held or was held. And her body is greedy for it, relishes the warmth, the closeness.

Jaina smells like the sea. Like a fresh spray of salt, like a warm day on a fast ship, no land in sight. Vereesa has never been one to love the ocean, prefers green forests to the rolling waves that inevitably make her stomach turn. But the memory of it, the life-long love for it, has sunk into Jaina's skin, and she feels a distant love for it.

Jaina shifts slightly in her arms, and a hand reaches up to lightly brush one of hers with an exploratory touch. Confirming the obvious.

"Are you awake?" Jaina whispers, the vibrations of her words passing through Vereesa, making her shiver, just a bit.

"I am now." She replies, almost hoping Jaina will believe the lie, and not linger on the thought.

She just laughs softly instead, the sound deafening in the late-night silence. "You were the one to seek comfort with the insomniac, if I recall correctly."

She has not complained yet, hasn’t tried to wriggle away from Vereesa's touch, so Vereesa remains close, does her best to play at normality.

"I have to keep an eye on the insomniac, you know. Otherwise she may attempt an escape, and try to work herself to death."

Vereesa feels Jaina's hand return to hers, no longer a brief touch but a sturdy grip. "I see. What a brave and selfless hero you are. Perhaps I should write to Anduin, convince him to grant you a medal for bravery."

Vereesa chuckles in response, and they fall into a comfortable silence. Or what should be comfortable. In the dark, the silence, she finds memories flashing in her eyes. Not being alone only chases away the worst of it, keeps those awful extended nightmares at bay, but with the darkness is brought other terrors, and now without the distractions of conversation she finds herself struggling to keep her breathing even.

She feels Jaina twist, roll herself over, and curses herself for losing control. For making her internal demons the burden of someone else.

A hand cups her cheek, and she knows that Jaina must be able to feel the dampness there, and it’s almost too much, almost makes her want to break free and run, to leave Dalaran, leave Jaina, never see her again. The guilt of it is oppressive. The thought of being weak, being known, is too terrifying to quantify. But she doesn’t move, just lets Jaina touch her, wipe the tears away.

"Vereesa." She sighs briefly, then falls silent. Vereesa can just about hear the gears whirring in her head, questions imagined then abandoned just as fast. "Is there anything I can do? You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to."

In an ideal world, Vereesa would just want to be held. An eternal embrace, preferably in the sunshine, with no words, no invasive questions. Nothing to remind her of the past. Just the warm touch of a kind woman. But she can’t. She can’t be selfish, demand Jaina sacrifice what little sleep she ever manages to get for Vereesa's benefit, can’t demand like a petulant child that she be looked after for hours on end.

Instead she just touches Jaina's hand, tries to ignore her warm breath on her face, and whispers quietly. "Can you make it less dark?"

Jaina moves her hand now, takes Vereesa's with it, whispers a few words and summons a small glowing blue shape into the palm of Vereesa's hand. A small, but detailed ship, weaved out of light, rocking back and forth to invisible waves, a tiny flag flying Kul Tiran colours from its mast.

"Please at least try to get some rest Vereesa," Jaina whispers now, a teasing lilt to her voice, "for my sake." And she twists even closer, resting her head against Vereesa's shoulder. It leaves her to stare at the tiny boat, shedding just enough light that she can make out shapes, that she doesn’t feel quite so alone.

Sleep takes her a few moments later, and for once, grants her reprieve from the dreams.

* * *

They start a habit, wordlessly. They continue to write letters to each other, talking about mundanity, but if Vereesa visits Boralus, or Jaina Dalaran, they will each inevitably insist the other stay the night. And, just as inevitably, Jaina won’t sleep, and Vereesa will wake from awful dreams, and they will talk for a few minutes, until Vereesa finally asks to stay. It’s comfortable, but they don’t talk about it in the mornings, too afraid that whatever delicate balance they have built in the night will shatter like thin glass in the day. This night, however, Vereesa gave up the pretence, and walked with Jaina to her room at the beginning of the night, relieved when Jaina let her in without question.

And for once sleep brings her pleasant dreams. Less destruction, and more vague pleasantries. Most of it is nonsensical, and passing from one to another she barely remembers the previous. She’s aware that she’s asleep, but she doesn’t fight it, let’s herself dwell. Then her mind sweeps her away, sinks her in the middle of a vast ocean, underwater, but without the need to breathe. She sees a woman swim towards her, at first young with brilliantly golden hair, grower older as she nears, most of the colour in her hair stripped away to a blinding white. She grabs Vereesa’s shoulders, leaves no room for hesitation, and leans in to press a gentle kiss against her lips, growing deeper and more insistent when Vereesa leans into her.

Vereesa wakes with a start, her heart pounding, the image of Jaina kissing her still in her thoughts, just as vivid as in her dreams. Her face is heated, and she finds herself caught between forgetting the experience entirely, and letting herself dwell on it.

She’s halfway through a fantasy, of shaking Jaina awake right now to taste her in reality as well, when Jaina stirs, sitting up almost immediately when she realises Vereesa is awake as well.

“Are you alright?” she asks, concern flooding her voice.

“I’m fine.” Vereesa says, but her voice sounds strange, her tone forced. Jaina notices, shuffling closer.

“The dreams again?”

Vereesa doesn’t bother lying. “Yes.”

Jaina makes a sympathetic noise, and moves closer still, lightly touches Vereesa’s shoulder for a moment. Vereesa is lost for words, caught between dreams and reality. She’s tempted for a moment to throw everything aside right now, to just accept the risk, and yet she isn’t quite brave enough to try.

She feels Jaina’s eyes on her in the dark, and then the bed shifts as Jaina leaves it entirely. For a terrifying moment she feels abandoned, until Jaina pats her knee. “I’ll be back in just a bit.” She says, and then she’s gone, the door creaking slightly as she passes through it.

Vereesa feels as if they’ve been dancing slowly towards something as of yet unnamed. No giant leap into a sudden explosion of emotions, but a slow spin, each step simultaneously inconsequential and momentous.

She wants to kiss her. Is that really so bad, so shocking? She wants Jaina to hold her, warm and all encompassing, in the day as well as through the night. She wants to kiss her lips, her neck, her- well.

She’s surprised almost, by the intensity of her thoughts. But then again, it’s been so long since she had a lover, longer still since she has hungered for someone who may not love her back.

Her mind struggles against itself, part of it reminding her that emotion like this is natural, that after everything she deserves some modicum of happiness, that Rhonin would want her to move on. The other fears that she is being too presumptuous, that her loneliness is leading to her taking advantage of a dear friend.

It seems absurd, after everything. That the next person she should fall for after loss after loss after loss, should be the woman her husband died to save. Surely there’s some old god somewhere, whispering and watching and laughing about it.

She is not left alone with her thoughts for long, as all too soon Jaina comes sweeping in with a cold glass, water cooled to a comfortable temperature by her touch. Jaina sits herself next to her, rubs a gentle hand across her back, and Vereesa finds herself suppressing a shudder at her touch.

And yet. Jaina is a kind, steady friend. Her presence makes the nights a fraction less terrifying, and she cannot risk pushing her away over something so fleeting. She pushes the thoughts down to a corner of her mind, and drinks.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Jaina asks softly, still rubbing gentle circles into Vereesa's back, pausing when she feels her tense at her words. "I wouldn’t dream of forcing you if you didn’t want to of course."

"I..." She’s not yet ready to speak of it, hasn’t yet come to terms with what it means to her yet either, but she fears that if she refuses to speak, insists she is unbothered when clearly something dwells on her mind, she will cause Jaina undue stress. And really, with how much the woman already struggles to sleep, she hardly needs Vereesa to also worry about.

So instead she chooses a different nightmare to talk about.

"I dreamt of you." Is what leaves her mouth, and when she senses a strange tension in Jaina, she hurries to continue. "In Theramore. Endless moments of you screaming in agony, and no matter what I cannot force myself to wake. Sometimes the mana bomb kills you too, in others you drag yourself out of the rubble, still screaming. Sometimes when I wake up alone I believe the dream to be true, that you're gone along with everyone else. Those are the worst nights."

The hand on her back stills, moves away long enough for Vereesa to miss it, until Jaina pulls her into an embrace, both arms looping around her. There’s a gut twisting mix of guilt and relief flooding her system, and Jaina’s warmth is almost too much in the cold air. But Jaina’s face is pressed into her shoulder, and her grip is tight, and Vereesa wonders for a second if Jaina needs this as much as she does. Rather than dwell on the thought, she brings her arms up and hugs Jaina back.

“I don’t think I could stand losing you too.” Vereesa whispers.

“I won’t be going anywhere.” Jaina says, her voice muffled against Vereesa’s shoulder.

“You’d better not.”

Jaina laughs a little at that, her breath hot against Vereesa. “I hope you can return that promise.”

“I’m not leaving you either.”

Her words prompt Jaina to break away, to send one of her hands up to cup Vereesa’s face, to watch her wordlessly for a few moments. Vereesa watches the beginning of words form on her lips then fade away abandoned, until finally Jaina finds her voice.

“Are you feeling any better? I could fetch you more water.”

“I think I’m alright now. Thank you Jaina.”

They slip back under the covers, and even now that she’s silent Jaina’s presence is unavoidable. Her warmth, her smell, her light breathing. Distantly, Vereesa wonders if she’ll ever be able to sleep without her.

* * *

Weeks later, Vereesa finds a letter waiting for her on her desk, written in what is distinctly Jaina’s handwriting, sitting on top of a small package. She opens the package first, finds a glowing hearthstone sitting inside, and frowns for a second before she reads the letter itself.

Vereesa,  
Come to Boralus tonight. I have something I want to show you.  
Yours,  
Jaina Proudmoore

It’s easy enough to do. The twins are too absorbed in telling her about their studies, and play fighting with each other, to notice her attempts to hurry them off to their rooms for the night. Not that her attempts are very successful, her sons are excitable at the best of time, and by the time they have withdrawn to their rooms and enough time has passed that Vereesa is certain they will not come out again, it is beginning to grow late. She hopes Jaina does not mind.

Jaina is writing at her desk when Vereesa teleports in, but she jumps up immediately when Vereesa coughs pointedly.

“You had me worried Vereesa! I didn’t think you’d gotten my letter.”

They had last seen each other only two days ago, but Vereesa steps in and gathers Jaina into a warm hug, squeezing her tight for a handful of seconds. “The boys were- you have met my sons. You know what they’re like.”

Jaina laughs. “I have. I should be surprised they agreed to go to bed at all.”

“Don’t even suggest it Jaina, you’ll give me more nightmares. But you have me curious, why did you invite me here?”

Jaina brightens. “I hope you brought a coat with you. It’s cold tonight.”

“I’m sorry?”

“I’m taking you out sailing.”

* * *

 Vereesa had not, in fact, brought a coat. She had been imagining that whatever Jaina had to show her was something that could be done inside, preferably under warm blankets. But at least Jaina had been more than happy to lend her one. Jaina herself insisted on a heavy wool cloak, pulling the hood over her head as they exited the Proudmoore Keep. It should be a poor disguise, but in the dark, when every Kul Tiran they pass is at the very least approaching drunk, no one gives them a second glance.

They approach the docks, Jaina leading her not towards her large, distinctive ship, but to the furthest end, stopping in front of a very small sailing boat.

“Here she is.” Jaina says, a note of pride slipping into her voice, as she gestures at it. “After you.”

Vereesa steps in cautiously, focusing probably too much on maintaining her balance as the boat shifts under her weight. She watches Jaina untie the ropes securing it to the dock. “Why not take your other ship? She’s much more impressive.”

“Maybe she is. But if that vessel leaves harbour without warning everyone will be in a panic, convinced war has started again. She is a little bit too conspicuous.”

Finally, Jaina hops into the boat too, keeping balance as it begins to rock, and drifts away from the dock. She fiddles with some ropes, lets the sail out, moving it until she catches the wind, and they begin to move out from the docks, their boat cutting through the water at such a speed that Vereesa is convinced Jaina is manipulating it with magic.

“Does she have a name?” Vereesa asks, watching as Jaina’s eyes flick over to her for only a second before returning to her task.

“I haven’t decided on one yet. But I was considering calling her The Windrunner.”

“Please don’t.”

“Why not? It’s a lovely name. Exceptionally graceful, like that of a dancer.” Jaina is close to laughing now, and Vereesa leans in to swat at her shoulder.

“You are beginning to sound exactly like your brother.”

“How dare you. My teasing is at least complimentary.”

They fall into a comfortable silence, and Vereesa leans back, listening to the splash of water on the hull. She’s never been a lover of boats, or the ocean in general, but at least Jaina keeps the boat steady. Since leaving shore, Jaina has let her hood fall, and the moonlight shines bright off her hair. It brings a bit of a smile to Vereesa as she realises that after all the attempts at subtlety, the pair of them are quite possibly reflecting enough light to be visible from shore.

They’ve sailed quite far by the time Jaina slows their boat to a standstill and sends an anchor over the side. Boralus is still visible, the city a bright spot in the distance, but here it is dark and quiet. Nothing but them and the sea.

“I’ve done this before, by myself.” Jaina says quietly. “When I needed space to think. To be away from- everything. To pretend nothing else exists but the night, the ocean, and me. I thought you’d appreciate the freedom.” Jaina touches her hand lightly. “If nothing else, the stars are spectacular here. No lights from the city, no buildings or trees to block them out.”

Vereesa cranes her head upwards. Jaina’s right about that. Here even the faintest of stars aren’t hidden, and with it the night is more light than dark. She looks back down, finds Jaina watching her, and leans in to press a kiss against her cheek. “Thank you Jaina. It’s beautiful.”

She can’t quite read Jaina’s expression, but she can hear nervous laughter bubbling out of her for a few seconds before she stands up abruptly and makes her way to the other end of the boat, making a show of stretching. “I’m going to have a swim.” She declares, turning to Vereesa, “Did you want to join me?”

“I’ll pass on freezing to death, thank you.”

“Your loss.” Jaina says, beginning to undress. The moonlight only shows so much, but when Vereesa starts to see bare skin she looks away, not looking back until she hears a splash.

Jaina is gone for a good 20 minutes, and Vereesa cannot even hear any sounds from her swimming. If it were anyone else, someone less infused with magic, someone less familiar with the ocean, Vereesa would have begun worrying long ago. As it is, she trusts in Jaina’s ability to keep herself safe, and tries to find the peace of mind Jaina seemed convinced could be found here.

It’s a far cry from the forests and cities she’s used to, the forest glades whose beauty she used to believe went unsurpassed. But the sea is gentle, the wind light, and the stars magnetising. And its private. It’s an awful irony that Vereesa has found herself stuck in the past few years, one where she no longer has the patience to weather large crowds of strangers, and yet cannot bear to be alone. Here at least there’s a pleasant balance, a space to be alone and clear her mind, yet the promise that somewhere in the waves is Jaina.

She likes the serenity, she decides, but it seems a poor trade for company. She appreciates the thought behind this gesture, and yet… she was mainly hoping for an excuse to spend time with the woman. They are both so burdened by their responsibilities that any time they can manage to carve out for the two of them feels precious.

Two hands grasp the sides of the boat, and Vereesa has a split second to glance away before Jaina hauls herself over the side. There’s a large towel stowed under one of the seats, and she passes it to Jaina, trying not to think about the fact that Jaina is currently standing naked in their boat.

“Please tell me you won’t freeze to death before we return to shore.” Vereesa has shifted her sight to the stars once more.

She hears Jaina laugh. “I won’t. I promise.”

“Good. I’d hate to explain to your mother what had happened.”

Jaina settles herself down next to her, clothed once more, and Vereesa flicks her eyes to her long enough to note the gentle smile on her face. Jaina is warmer than usual, heat radiating off her like a furnace, likely from yet another spell. It’s comforting in the night chill, and Vereesa leans into her, sapping some of the warmth for herself.

“You know, my father used to tell us stories about the constellations when me and my brothers were younger.” Jaina says softly. “He’d take us out on his ship when the weather was clear, teach us a bit of navigation, but mainly spend hours recounting tales. Tandred always got restless, but I loved it. But then again, I mainly just loved spending time with my father. He was away sailing so often that any time with him was precious. But then I moved away to study, and barely saw my father at all until…” her voice trails off. She doesn’t need to say it. “It’s easier to remember the man I knew when I was younger. The kind one who taught me to love the stars like he did.”

“I know what you mean.” Vereesa says. “Sometimes I wish the world had stayed exactly as it appeared to be when I was younger. When the worst worry I had was whether I’d ever be as good an archer as my sisters.”

They’re quiet for a time, but comfortably so. Vereesa can tell from the moon’s position that it has gotten quite late by now, but she doesn’t want to point it out. Acknowledging it would be responsible, and responsible would mean returning to shore and returning to bed, and Vereesa doesn’t want this to end yet.

“We should probably go back shouldn’t we.” Jaina says. Even she sounds reluctant.

“We could always just fulfil that idea you had months ago. Keep sailing, find a small fishing village far enough away that we’re nobodies. Perform tricks for coin, maybe even get married for the tax benefits.”

Jaina is quiet for a moment. “Just for tax benefits?”

Vereesa turns to her, and even in the small light available she can see hope glinting in Jaina’s eyes. So maybe she isn’t just hearing things. Maybe she should do something, throw caution to the wolves, embrace a delicate hope.

She touches Jaina’s chin gently. “Jaina?” she asks.

“Yes?” Jaina’s voice is almost breathless, and it’s enough of a sign to convince her.

“Can I kiss you?”

Jaina nods and Vereesa leans in slowly, kisses her gently at first, still worried that Jaina will change her mind. She doesn’t, pressing further into Vereesa, her hands twisting into the collar of Vereesa’s shirt. Her lips are soft, her touch almost burning. Vereesa isn’t sure if it’s the magic or just the fact that it’s her, but whatever it is, she doesn’t want Jaina to stop touching her. Jaina’s lips open, and Vereesa’s tongue flicks out to taste her, and almost immediately she breaks their embrace and rubs her mouth with the back of her hand.

Jaina looks half terrified, her hands hovering like she’s no longer certain if she can touch Vereesa or not. “Are you alright?”

“I’m alright. You just taste like sea water.”

Jaina looks at her for a second then breaks into laughter, and Vereesa follows, leaning into Jaina’s shoulder.

“I’m so sorry.” Jaina says, but even if her intentions are genuine she’s still laughing, and Vereesa waves her off.

“It’s fine. But I’m still not kissing you again until you’ve bathed.”

**Author's Note:**

> Title from [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ne5SQQIxxik)
> 
> feel free to talk to me on my [twitter](https://twitter.com/AdaarHerah) or [tumblr](http://octopusdragon.tumblr.com/)
> 
> i'm really behind in uni stuff and this is really Not what I should have spent so much time on but y'know I really love elves & cool ladies so how could i resist


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